News, Politics

Kim Jong-Un Style


kim jong-un binoc

Here’s the thing about communist countries ruled by green dictators trying to fill daddy’s shoes: things never turn out for the best.

Sure, you want save face and act like you’re the toughest kid on the block. No one wants a flip-flopper for a dictator. Imagine if Nikita Khrushchev went through all the trouble to bang his shoe on that pulpit, talking all that smack about burying us, only to turn around and say “Sorry about that. Just kidding.”

 un_moments_khrushchev

This morning as we play our part in this ballet of posturing we are sending a THAAD (Terminal High Altitude Area Defense) System to Guam because, you know, we’re going to send one anyway so we might as well do it now. Hey, a superpower’s got to do what a superpower’s got to do. You never saw Superman enter the fray without his cape, did you? Of course not.

 Anyway, back to my new favorite politico: Kim Jong-Un. I am pissed that Dennis Rodman got to visit him. I think Lil Kim would be cool to hang out with. Sadly, I don’t drink anymore so it’s not like we could go on a week-long tear together that would culminate with me offering this eloquent taunt:

 “You know…you know what…you should take all of your guns…and…you know what (hick!)…explode into space!”

 I may have even perplexed him with a triple-dog dare. Or the perennial Fairview favorite in Camden where I grew up: “No balls you load a rocket ship full of weapons and blast off into space.” Or maybe this is all theater. Maybe Dennis “The Deep Operative” Rodman already beat me to it.

Sure, tensions are rising. But don’t worry. Colin Robertson (not the fur trader…there, I just saved you from Wikipedia-ing the guy) in a special for The Globe and Mail says Canada must be part of the US missile defense pact. That ought to do it. I am sure the North Korean army is digging reinforced foxholes at the mere mention of Canada. I know I would.canadianbacon

All of this posturing is tantamount to that dude in your suburban/rural neighborhood with the oversized, tricked out pick-up truck on which the number of flood lights are equal to or greater than the driver’s IQ. Or if you are of the city-mind then how about that douche who replaces his Toyota hood ornament with one from a Mercedes? My point, I think, is that I hope it really doesn’t come to war, per se. There are many people in countries in and around North Korea that would just as soon kick Kim Jong-un’s fat ass as they would draw their next breath.

Still, War is not the answer. Perhaps Kim Jong-un will prove he’s a better man than his father by taking the high road. And if not, I’m afraid that the THAAD system being delivered to Guam will be the least of the North Koreans’ worry.

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